I love Kikuyu women because they are hot and smart. Out of every ten beautiful women you see walking around the streets of Nairobi, seven are probably Kikuyu. And out of every ten female bosses, you network with, eight are probably Kikuyu. The problem arises when you want to date these women. As your one and only, grant me the opportunity to tell you why….


1. They have extremely high expectations

Kikuyu women are very demanding. They don’t want just a guy who will love them madly. They want to get the best man in the world to love them madly. Even the Shisha smoking girl who has taken 1000 P2 pills in her life after unprotected sex will still expect you to open doors for her, help her to put on coats and bring flowers when you go on a date. If you are not a man with the perseverance of the biblical Job, it is not even worth trying. If only the buttocks of Kikuyu women were as big as their egos, we would have a better world. Oops. Sorry…That one just slipped.


2. They place too much emphasis on beauty….and the cost is on you.

Like I said, Kikuyu women are hot. Sikatai. But the dedication that they place on looking beautiful is just scary. For the majority of them life is like a podium, and so they have to look sparkling even on the way to the toilet after a bad meal. They want to go to the salon every week and buy make-up on Kilimall or Jumia.  And it’s your duty to handle the expenses as the boyfriend. Any mention of ‘sina pesa leo’ and a Kikuyu woman will assume you are broke or stingy. You will soon discover that there is already another guy in the picture with more financial muscle than you. The shocking aspect of it all is that Kikuyu chicks never tell you when they are dumping you. They just move on and let you find out later.

The worst thing is that if you are going out with a Kikuyu girl you will either have to dress up and put a lot of effort in looking nice, or everyone will be looking at you and wondering, how did a pretty lady like her end up with that slob?.


3. They are too independent.

Females from Central Kenya think of themselves as independent woman who don’t really need any help or protection from men. Kikuyu women do not believe in ideal relationships and think that even if their Prince Charming finds them, they have to be able to live on their own and make their own decisions. Building a career and getting a second degree often sounds more appealing than trying to find someone who will value their personality and freedom.

A Kikuyu woman will be very independent in a relationship, and very stubborn, too. But on the other hand, expect bravery in danger and trouble, and the strength that will help both of you overcome the most difficult times.